This seems like a perfectly reasonable series of events.
A South Carolina man called 911 early Tuesday morning to complain of a serious emergency. Patrick Doggett, 53, needed someone to be aware that his girlfriend was refusing to have sex with him. Unfortunately, the 911 operator had the common sense to ignore him because he’s clearly an idiot.
However, fearing a potential domestic violence incident, a police officer did respond to Doggett’s residence. According to the police report, “Mr. Doggett was outside drinking an alcoholic beverage. Mr. Doggett stated he called 911 because his girlfriend, Ms. Faye Woodruff, would not give him any ass. He then turn towards the house and begins to yell, “F**k that b***h.”
Woodruff told police that her boyfriend had been drinking all day and “didn’t know where he was at.” She also reportedly had her grandchild with her, another reason she didn’t want to hit the sheets. That’s when Doggett got up to call 911.
Doggett was arrested for public intoxication, but so far has not been cited for misusing the 911 system. Here’s a friendly reminder folks: 911 is for emergencies only. You don’t call it because gas prices went up, or because McDonald’s ran out of chicken McNuggets, or because your significant other turns down your romantic advances.